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THE
REASONS BEHIND THE SEVERAL MARRIAGES OF THE PROPHET
MUHAMMAD
Some
critics of Islam, either because they are not aware of the
facts about the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon
him be peace, or because they are not honest and objective
about those facts, have reviled the Prophet as a
self-indulgent libertine. They have accused him of character
failings which are hardly compatible with being of average
virtue, let alone with being a Prophet and God’s last
Messenger and the best model for all mankind to follow.
However, if the facts are simply recounted-and they are
easily available from scores of biographies and
well-authenticated accounts of his sayings and actions-it
becomes clear that the Prophet lived the most strictly
disciplined life, that his marriages were a part of that
discipline, a part of the many, many burdens that he bore
as God’s Last Messenger.
The
reasons behind the Prophet’s several marriages are
various, but even in the privateness of some of those reasons,
they all had to do with his role as the leader of the new
Muslim ummah, guiding his people towards the norms and
values of Islam. In the following pages we shall try to
explain some of those reasons and, in so doing, demonstrate
that the charges leveled against the Prophet on this count
are as vile and indecent as they are utterly false.
The
Prophet, not at that time called to his future mission,
first married at the age of twenty-five. Given the
cultural environment in which he lived, not to mention the
climate and other considerations such as his youth, it is
remarkable that he should have enjoyed a reputation for
perfect chastity as well as integrity and trustworthiness
generally. As soon as he was called to the Prophethood he
acquired enemies who did not hesitate to publicize false
calumnies against him - but not once did any of them (and
in their jahiliya (ignorance) they were not
scrupulous men) dare to invent against him what no one
could have believed. It is important to realize that his
life was founded upon chastity and self-discipline from
the outset, and so remained.
At
the age of twenty-five, then, and in the prime of life,
Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, married
Khadija, a woman much his senior in years. This marriage
was very high and exceptional in the eyes of the Prophet
and God. For twenty-three years, his life with Khadija was
a period of uninterrupted contentment in perfect fidelity.
In the eighth year of Prophethood, however, Khadija passed
away and the Prophet was once again single, as he had been
until the age of twenty-five, though now with children.
His enemies cannot deny, but are forced to admit that,
during all these long years, they cannot find a single
flaw in his moral character. During the lifetime of
Khadija, the Prophet took no other wife, although
public opinion among his people would have allowed him
to do so had he wished to. After Khadija’s death, he
lived a single life for four or five years. All his other
marriages began after he reached the age of fifty-five, an
age by which very little real interest and desire for
marriage remains. The allegation that his marriages after
this age were an expression of licentiousness or
self-indulgence, is as groundless as it is foul.
A
question people often ask is: How can the plurality of his
marriages be in accord with his role as the Prophet? There
are three points to be made in answering this question,
but first let us recognize that those who continually
raise such questions are either atheists (who themselves
have no religion) or are ‘people of the Book’ i.e.
Christians or Jews. Both these classes of critics are
equally ignorant of Islam and religion, or willfully confuse
right with wrong in order to deceive others and spread
doubt and mischief.
Those
who neither believe in nor practice any religious way of
life have no right to reproach those who do. They have
relations and unions with many women without following
any rule or law or ethic. However they may pretend
otherwise, what they do is unrestrained self-indulgence
with, in practice, little regard for the consequences of
their life-style upon the happiness and well-being of even
their own children, let alone of the young in general.
In certain circles who advertise themselves as the most
‘free’, sexual relations which most societies condemn
as incestuous are regarded as permissible; homosexuality
is as ‘normal’ for them as any other kind of
relationship; some even practice polyandry - that is, one
woman having at the same time many ‘husbands’ - the
agony of any children from such unions who may never be
sure of who their father is, we leave to the reader’s
imagination. The only motive that people who live in this
way can have for criticizing the Prophet’s marriages is
the foolish hope that they can drag Muslims down with them
into the mess of moral confusion and viciousness in which
they themselves are trapped.
Jews
and Christians who attack the Prophet for the plurality
of his marriages can only be motivated by their fear and
jealous hatred of Islam. They plainly forget that the
great patriarchs of the Hebrew race, named as Prophets in
the Bible as well as the Qur’an, and revered by the
followers of all three faiths as exemplars of moral
excellence, all practiced polygamy - and indeed on a far
greater scale than the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be
peace.
Polygamy
was not originated by the Muslims. Furthermore, in the
case of the Prophet of Islam, as we shall see, polygamy
(or, more strictly, polygyny) has, from the viewpoint of
its function within the mission of Prophethood, far more
significance than people generally realize.
In a
sense, the plurality of wives was a necessity for the
Prophet through whose practice (or Sunna) the statutes
and norms of Muslim law were to be established. Religion
may not be excluded from the private relations between
spouses, from matters that can only be known by one’s
partner. Therefore, there must be guidance from women who
can give clear instruction and advice without using an
allusive language of hints and innuendoes which leaves
the meaning obscure and incomprehensible. The chaste and
virtuous women of the Prophet’s household were the
teachers responsible for conveying and communicating to
the people the norms and rules that concern the conduct of
Muslims in their private lives.
Some
of the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be
peace, were contracted for specific reasons to do with his
wives:
·
Since there were young, middle-aged and old women
amongst them, the requirements and norms of Islamic
law could be exemplified in relation to their
different life stages and experiences. These
provisions of the law were first learnt and applied
within the Prophet’s household and then passed on
to other Muslims through the teaching of his wives.
·
Since each of his wives was from a different clan or
tribe, the Prophet established bonds of kinship and
affinity throughout the Umma. This enabled a
profound attachment to him to spread amongst the
diverse peoples of the new Umma, creating and
securing equality and brotherhood amongst them in a
most practical way and on the basis of religion.
·
Each of his wives, from their different tribes, both
whilst the Prophet was living and after he passed
away, proved of great benefit and service to the
cause of Islam. They conveyed his message and interpreted
it to their clans; the outer and inward experience,
the qualities, the manners and faith of the man
whose life, in all its details, public and intimate,
was the embodiment of the Qur’an - Islam in
practice. In this way, all the members of their
clan, men and women, learnt about the Qur’an,
Hadith, tafsir (interpretation and commentary
on the Qur’an), and fiqh (understanding of
the Islamic law), and so became fully aware of the
essence and spirit of the Islamic religion.
·
Through his marriages, the Prophet Muhammad, upon
him be peace, established ties of kinship throughout
the Arabian peninsula. What this meant was that he
was free to move and be accepted as a member in
each family, each of whose members regarded him as
one of their own. For that reason each felt that
they could go to him in person to learn about the
affairs of this life and of the life hereafter,
directly from him. Equally, the tribes benefited
collectively also from this proximity to the
Prophet; they esteemed themselves to be fortunate
and took pride in that relationship, such as the
Umayyads through Umm Habiba, the Hashimites through
Zaynab bint Jahsh, and the Banu Makhzum through Umm
Salama.
What
we have said so far is general and could, in some
respects, be true of all the Prophets. However, now we
will discuss the life sketches of Ummahat al-Mu’minin -
the mothers of the believers - not in the order of the marriages
but in a different perspective.
Khadija,
may God be pleased with her, was the first among the
Prophet’s wives. At the time of her marriage, she was
forty years old and Muhammad, upon him be peace, was
twenty-five. She was the mother of all his children except
a son, Ibrahim, who did not live long. As well as being a
wife, Khadija was also a friend to her husband, the sharer
of his inclinations and ideals to a remarkable degree.
Their marriage was wonderfully blessed; they lived
together in profound harmony for twenty-three years.
Through every contumely and outrage heaped upon him by the
idolaters, through every persecution, Khadija was his
dearest companion and helper. He loved her very deeply
and did not marry any other woman during her lifetime.
This marriage is the ideal of intimacy, friendship, mutual
respect, support and consolation, for all marriages.
Though faithful and loyal to all his wives, he never
forgot Khadija after her death and mentioned her virtues
and merits extensively on many occasions. The Prophet did
not marry for another four to five years after Khadija’s
death. Providing their daily food and provisions, bearing
their troubles and hardships, Muhammad, upon him be
peace, looked after his children and performed the duties
of mother as well as father. To allege of such a man
that he was a sensualist or suffered from lust for women,
is as disgraceful and as stupid a lie as can be
imagined. For if there were even the least grain of truth
in it, he could not have lived as we know that he did.
‘A’isha,
may God be pleased with her, was his second wife, though
not in the order of marriages. She was the daughter of his
closest friend and devoted follower, Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr,
one of the earliest converts to Islam had long hoped to cement
the deep attachment that existed between himself and the
Prophet, by giving to him his daughter in marriage. By
marrying ‘A’isha the Prophet accorded the highest
honor and courtesy to a man who had shared all the good
and bad times with him throughout his mission.
‘A’isha,
who proved to be a remarkably intelligent and wise
woman, had both the nature and temperament to carry
forward the work of Prophetic mission. Her marriage was
the schooling through which she was prepared as a
spiritual guide and teacher to the whole of the female
world. She became one of the major students and disciples
of the Prophet and through him, like so many of the
Muslims of that blessed time, her skills and talents were
matured and perfected, so that she joined him in the abode
of bliss both as wife and as student. Her life and her
services to Islam after her marriage prove that such
an exceptional person was worthy to be the wife of the
Prophet. For, when the time came, she proved herself one
of the greatest authorities on Hadith, an excellent
commentator on the Qur’an and a most distinguished and
knowledgeable expert (faqih) in Islamic law. She
truly represented the inward and outward qualities and
experiences (zahir and batin) of the Prophet
Muhammad, upon him be peace, through her unique
understanding.
Umm
Salama,
may God be pleased with her, was from the clan of Makhzum.
She was first married to her cousin. The couple had
embraced Islam at the very beginning and emigrated to
Abyssinia, to avoid the persecutions of the Quraysh. After
returning from Abyssinia, the couple and their four
children migrated to Madina. Her husband participated in
many battles and received severe wounds at the battle of
Uhud from which he later died. Abu Bakr and ‘Umar
proposed marriage to Umm Salama, aware of her needs and
suffering as a widow with children to support and no
means of doing so. She refused because, according to her
judgment, no one could be better than her late husband.
Some
time after that, the Prophet himself offered to marry her.
This was quite right and natural. For this great woman,
who had never shied from sacrifice and suffering for her
faith in Islam, was now alone after having lived many
years in the noblest clan of Arabia. She could not be
neglected and left to beg her way in life. Considering her
piety, sincerity and all that she had suffered, she
certainly deserved to be helped. By taking her into his
household, the Prophet was doing what he had been doing
since his youth, namely befriending those who were lacking
in friends, supporting those who were unsupported, protecting
those who were unprotected.
Umm
Salama was intelligent and quick in comprehension just
as ‘A’isha was. She had all the capacities and gifts
to become a spiritual guide and teacher. When the gracious
and compassionate Prophet took her under his protection, a
new student to whom all the female world would be
grateful, was accepted into the school of knowledge and
guidance. Let us recall that, at this time, the Prophet
was approaching the age of sixty. For him to have married
a widow with many children, to have accepted the
expenses and responsibilities that entailed, cannot be
understood otherwise than in humble admiration for the
infinite reserves of his humanity and compassion.
Umm
Habiba, may
God be pleased with her, was the daughter of Abu Sufyan
who, for a long time had been the most determined enemy
of the Prophet’s mission, and the most determined
supporter of kufr (unbelief). Yet his daughter was
one of the earliest converts to Islam. She emigrated to
Abyssinia because of persecution by the unbelievers.
Whilst there, her husband died and she was all alone, and
desperate, in exile.
The
Companions of the Prophet were then few in number and
had little in the way of material wealth to support
themselves, let alone to support others. What then were
the practical options open to Umm Habiba? She might
convert to Christianity in Abyssinia and so obtain support
from the Christians, but that was unthinkable. She might
return to her father’s home, now a headquarters of the
war against Islam, but that too was unthinkable. She might
wander from household to household as a beggar, but again
it was an unthinkable option for one who belonged to one
of the richest and noblest Arab families to bring shame
upon her family name by doing so.
God
recompensed Umm Habiba for all that she lost or sacrificed
in the way of Islam. She had suffered a lonely exile in an
insecure environment among people of a race and religion
different from her own; she was made wretched too by her
husband’s death. The Prophet, on learning of her plight,
responded by sending an offer of marriage through the king
Negus. This was an action both noble and generous, and a
practical proof of the verse: We have not sent you save
as a mercy for all creatures (al-Anbiya’,
21.107).
Through
this marriage, the powerful family of Abu Sufyan came to
be linked with the person and household of the Prophet,
something that led them to adopt a different attitude to
Islam. It is also correct to trace the influence of this
marriage, beyond the family of Abu Sufyan, on all the
Umayyads, who ruled the Muslims for almost a hundred
years. The clan whose members had been the most fanatical
in their hatred of Islam produced some of Islam’s most
renowned warriors, administrators and governors in the
early period. Without doubt it was the marriage to Umm
Habiba that began this change: the Prophet’s depth of
generosity and magnanimity of soul surely overwhelmed
them.
Zaynab
bint Jahsh,
may God be pleased with her, was also a lady of noble
birth, descended and a close relative of the Prophet. She
was, moreover, a woman of great piety, who fasted much,
kept long vigils, and gave generously to the poor. When
the Prophet asked for the hand of Zaynab for Zayd,
Zaynab’s family and Zaynab herself were at first
unwilling. The family had hoped to marry their daughter to
the Prophet. Naturally, when they realized that it was the
Prophet’s wish that Zaynab should marry Zayd, they all
consented out of deference to their love for the Prophet
and his authority. In this way, the marriage took place.
Zayd
had been taken captive as a child in the course of tribal
wars and sold as a slave. The noble Khadija whose slave he
was, presented him to Muhammad, upon him be peace, on
the occasion of her marriage to the future Prophet. The
Prophet immediately gave Zayd his freedom and shortly
afterwards adopted him as his son. The reason for his
insistence on Zayd’s marriage to Zaynab was to establish
and fortify equality between the Muslims, to make this
ideal a reality. His desire was to break down the ancient
Arab prejudice against a slave or even freedman marrying a
‘free-born’ woman. The Prophet was therefore starting
this hard task with his own relatives.
The
marriage did not bring happiness to either Zaynab or Zayd.
Zaynab, the lady of noble birth, was a good Muslim of a
most pious and exceptional quality. Zayd, the freedman,
was among the first to embrace Islam, and he too was a
good Muslim. Both loved and obeyed the Prophet, but their
marriage was unsustainable because of their mutual
incompatibility. Zayd found it no longer tolerable and on
several occasions expressed the wish to divorce. The
Prophet, however, insisted that he should persevere with
patience and that he should not separate from Zaynab.
Then, on an occasion while the Prophet was in
conversation, the Angel Gabriel came and a Divine
Revelation was given to him (Bukhari, Tawhid, 22). The
Prophet’s marriage to Zaynab was announced in the
revealed verses as a bond already contracted: We have
married her to you (al-Ahzab, 33.37). This command
was one of the severest trials the Prophet had yet had to
face. For he was commanded to do a thing contrary to the
traditions of his people, indeed it was a taboo. Yet it
had to be done for the sake of God, just as God commanded.
‘A’isha later said: Had the Messenger of God been
inclined to suppress anything of what was revealed to him,
he would surely have suppressed this verse (Bukhari and
Muslim).
Zaynab
proved herself most worthy to be the Prophet’s wife; she
was always aware of the responsibilities as well as the
courtesies proper to her role, and fulfilled those
responsibilities to universal admiration.
In
the jahiliya, an adopted son was regarded as a
natural son, and an adopted son’s wife was therefore
regarded as a natural son’s wife would be. According to
the Qur’anic verse, those who have been ‘wives of your
sons proceeding from your loins’ fall within the
prohibited degrees of marriage. But this prohibition does
not relate to adopted sons with whom there is no real
consanguinity. What now seems obvious was not so then. The
pagan taboo against marrying the former wives of adopted
sons was deeply rooted. It was to uproot this custom that
the Prophet’s marriage to Zaynab was commanded by the
Revelation.
Juwayriya
bint Harith,
may God be pleased with her, was one of a large number of
captives taken by Muslims in a military expedition. She
was the daughter of Harith, chief of the defeated Banu
Mustaliq clan. She was held captive, like other members of
her proud family, alongside the ‘common’ people of
her clan. When Juwayriya was taken to the Prophet, upon
him be peace, she was in considerable distress, not least
because her kinsmen had lost everything and her emotions
were a profound hate and enmity toward the Muslims.
The Prophet understood the wounded pride and dignity and
the suffering of this woman; more than that he
understood also, in his sublime wisdom, how to resolve
the problem and heal that wounded pride. He agreed to pay
her ransom, set her free and offered to take her as his
wife. How gladly Juwayriya accepted this offer can
easily be imagined.
About
a hundred families, who had not yet been ransomed, were
all set free when the Ansar (the Helpers) and the Muhajirun
(the Emigrants) came to realize that the Bani Mustaliq
were now among the Prophet’s kin by marriage. A tribe so
honored could not be allowed to remain in slavery (Ibn
Hanbal, Musnad, 6,277). In this way the hearts of
Juwayriya and all her people were won.
Safiyya,
may God be pleased with her, was the daughter of Huyayy,
one of the chieftains of the Jewish tribe of Khaybar,
who had persuaded the Bani Qurayza to break their treaty
with the Prophet. From her earliest years she saw her
family and relatives determined in opposition to the
Prophet, upon him be peace and blessings. She had lost her
father, brother and husband at the hands of Muslims, and
herself became one of their captives. The attitudes
and actions of her family and relatives might have
nurtured in her a deep indignation against the Muslims and
a desire for revenge. But three days before the Prophet,
upon him be peace, arrived at Khaybar, and Safiyya fell
captive in the battle, she had seen in a dream a brilliant
moon coming out from Madina, moving towards Khaybar, and
falling into her lap. She later said: ‘When I was
captured I began to hope that my dream would come true.’
When she was brought before him as a captive, the
Prophet generously set her free and offered her the choice
between remaining a Jew and returning to her people or
entering Islam and becoming his wife. ‘I chose God and
his Messenger’, she said. Shortly after that, they were
married.
Elevated
to the Prophet’s household she had the title of
‘mother of the believers’. The Companions of the
Prophet honored and respected her as ‘mother’; she
witnessed at first hand the refinement and true courtesy
of the men and women whose hearts and minds were submitted
to God. Her attitude to her past experiences changed
altogether, and she came to appreciate the great honor of
being the Prophet’s wife. As a result of this marriage,
the attitude of many Jews changed as they came to see and
know the Prophet closely.
Sawda
bint Zam‘a,
may God be pleased with her, was the widow of one Sakran.
Sakran and Sawdah were among the first to embrace Islam
and had been forced to emigrate to Abyssinia to escape
the persecution of the idolaters. Sakran died in exile and
left his wife utterly destitute. As the only means of
assisting the poor woman, the Prophet Muhammad, upon him
be peace, though himself distressed for the means of
daily subsistence, married Sawda. This marriage took
place some time after the death of the noble Khadija.
Hafsa,
may God be pleased with her, was the daughter of ‘Umar
ibn al-Khattab, the future second Caliph of Islam. This
good lady had lost her husband who emigrated to both
Abyssinia and Madina and who died of wounds received in
battle in the path of God. She remained without a husband
for a while. ‘Umar also desired, like Abu Bakr, the
honour and blessing of being close to the Prophet in this
world and in the Hereafter, so that the Prophet, upon him
be peace, took Hafsa as his wife so as to protect and help
the daughter of his faithful disciple.
Such
were the circumstances and noble motives of the several
marriages of the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace. We
see that these marriages were intended to provide
helpless or widowed women with dignified subsistence in
the absence of all other means; to console and honor
enraged or estranged tribespeople, to bring those who had
been enemies into some degree of relationship and
harmony; to gain for the cause of Islam certain uniquely
gifted individuals, in particular some exceptionally
talented women; to establish new norms of relationship
between different people within the unifying brotherhood
of faith in God; and to honor with family bonds the men
who were to be the first leaders of the Muslim umma after
him. These marriages had nothing at all to do with
self-indulgence or personal desire or lust or any other of
the absurd and vile charges laid against the Prophet by
Islam’s embittered enemies. With the exception of
‘A’isha, all of the Prophet’s wives were widows, and
all his marriages (after that with the noble Khadija) were
contracted when he was already an old man. Far from being
acts of self-indulgence then, these marriages were acts of
self-discipline.
The
number of the wives the Prophet had was a special
dispensation within the law of Islam and unique to his
person. However, when the Revelation restricting polygamy
came, the Prophet’s marriages had already been
contracted. Thereafter, the Prophet was also prohibited to
marry again.
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